Mother’s Milk + Aries Season

Image by Tasha Jollee on Unsplash

Dear Ones,

This Aries season has not held back. I mean, has it ever? Hahahaha. My last words were about the losses that I've experienced this year so far. These words are about what those losses cost me.

They cost me in my body. They cost me peace. They cost me emotional (dis)comfort. In the words of the Matrix's Oracle, they "cost me more than I wanted to pay."

I have given so much lip service to such platitudes as and 'fill your cup first' and 'serve from the overflow'. But I have always been last on my list. And I undeniably have come to these cross roads again and again and again. Utter and complete depletion and antihalation of my health both mental and physical. Who has time for spiritual health when your world is falling apart and your mind and body with it.

See I do the same cycle over and over, as if I were the Moon herself. Get utterly fucked up health wise, crawl myself back to decent, then start cranking away again. It has been a downward spiral since my 30's. In my 20's I believed I could just keep going and going and going.

I never stopped believing it even when my body was telling me very clearly that was no longer the case. Well this time I think I've turned a corner. I'll say it out loud but its going to sound so obvious, and possibly trite, that I hesitate. I really do think I understand though.

Before I get there, let me say that I have always been irritated and angry at folks who put themselves first. I hated that they took care of themselves. I mean how selfish!. I can hear the echo of my mother's and grandmother's words emulating this same sentiment throughout my life. But let's look at the reality. Those folks. They seem happier. Healthier. More at peace. And damn it if that doesn't make me all the more irritated.

It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO difficult for me to do that. To think about what I am wanting in any given moment. To decide what I'd like to be doing for myself that day. To say, "No, I can't." Or, "Not today." Or, "Sounds fun, but I gotta pass." Or, "Ooooh, I have plans (which I don't need to rearrange to accommodate one more thing)."

I'm afraid of two things:

1. That I might miss something that I will regret.
2. That a No will make someone upset with me. They might call me selfish, or rude (projection anyone?).

Its classic martyrdom wherein if we give to others what they want, one day they will notice how great we've been to them, and they will put aside themselves for our wants. Only that never happens. And it's heart breaking.

But back to what I finally understand. I realize that I can never keep up with what everyone wants from me. Never. I must be my own best mother, and say to myself, "Its your bed time. Go brush your teeth and wash your face. You can journal for 15 minutes, then lights out--NO PHONE."

I understand that saying yes to someone else's wants over my own has to be the rare exception. Seems harsh, especially to me. I mean, how selfish! And yet, I must begin to take the most care of myself.. "My Mom said I can't."

I understand that I need to feed my body food that is good for exactly what I need, even if it's not what my partner wants or likes.

I understand that I need to move and stretch my body in a way that feels good and gentle to me. I don't need to go to bootcamp and get ripped and down to my fighting weight because some 50+ woman on Instagram did.

I understand that when I take care of myself, and use outside help from the many beautiful souls that I know to course correct, that I am going to be happier and the best I can be, and that will attract so much more to me than pleasing others ever will.

I understand that I need to keep nurturing myself with my own Mother's Milk, until I am absolutely full to the top and brimming with life and vitality and joy. So that when a big deal happens, I'm not already depleted and end up running on fumes. And then, I need to immediately begin filling myself up again.

Because the goal isn't to get by and do a good enough job. It's to live as richly as we can. Enjoying each moment as much as possible. I want to be overflowing with lifeforce so that I have a little extra to give. But I don't want to keep giving it all.

I've got it this time, I really do. I gotta take care of this vessel, and this mind. I need to do things that are pleasing to me. And its harder than it should be. It's a lot harder to know what I want. To do what I need. It's easy to fall back on someone else and let them decide.

And folks get used to you saying, "Yes," and may find it a challenge to realize that you said, "No." or "I can't." I have to be stronger when I see the disappointment in their eyes. This is where I imagine I'll begin exploring Spiritual nurturing.

I hope this Mother's Milk theme treats you right, and gets you to see where it is that you might need to step in as your own Mother to set limits, feed you your vegetables, and limit it to two cookies after dinner. She'll help you remember to pamper yourself a bit, wrap you up in a hot shower for pleasure, or put on the clean sheets cause its nice--even on a Tuesday.

This is the most potent time of the year to begin something in earnest. What if you chose to nurture yourself over your business goals until Beltane? What if you found yourself so full up that nothing could stop you come summer? I'm gonna try it out. Let's see where it leads.

Well, it's my bedtime. G'nite.
Love,
Madame Moonflower

PS. If you would like some insights into your patterns and areas where you can use more nurturing, you can find me at the Nevada City Psychic Fair this weekend, Saturday, April 9, 2022 from 11-6, and Sunday, April 10, from 11-5. Email me to book your time or DM @madame.moonflower on Instagram. I'm so looking forward to being back in the mountains. I also do phone and video readings all over the world—let’s connect!