Scorpio Moon Eclipse + The 12 Year Shed

Photo by Fidias Cervantes on Unsplash

When everything goes wrong, perhaps its setting itself right.

Dear Growing Beings,

Its been a doosy of a week as we careen toward tonight's Scorpio Full Moon Eclipse. These shedding vibes are hitting hard. I've been in resistance to the changes. Are you surprised? I'm surprised.

I find that I've been in a very defensive and justifying mindset. At home. At work. Inside myself. Unable to step out of the circumstances and see more of a big picture. Until today. Today something clicked for me. Trying to hold on to ANYTHING at this time is futile. Especially things that are not tangible. 

I am finding that I can release possessions easily enough. But ideas, ideals, and relationships of all kinds are harder to give freedom to. Trying too hard to preserve and salvage is turning into intense gripping. And gripping is the antithesis of abundance, of the receiving that I seem to struggle to lay back into.

Its that emptiness before the next filling up that I am trying to avoid.

My partner as a martial artist conditions himself to take (and deliver) blows. Building up his bone density and dulling his skin sensitivity. Practiced at taking blows, he's not shocked when something hits him. He just responds. He is constantly imagining scenarios in which he would need to defend himself. How he would react, how he would deploy whatever weapon he's working with that week. Always ready for a fight. Welcoming it even.

When I see this, I remember what it was like when I used to have that (but it was not in a physical sense). I remember the black asp of my mind and all of the terrible power of her. Her strikes of precision that would paralyze her prey (adversary). I remember the poison in her teeth (words). She would know just what to say to hurt the most. She could take any situation and turn it on its head, twisting and turning until the entanglement was full on. I remember the killing strike which meant annihilation. Then the slow, deliberate devouring that would ensue.
 

I breath her down.
O en kai!
O on kai!

I let her envelope me and fill me with her venom. But this time instead of striking, I ride her. I take her power into me and do not let her strike. Even when the blows come at me. Which is much harder now, because I do not have that thick armor anymore. I’m conditioning myself to stay open.  
Open.  Open.

In the face of whatever comes.

But the old ways aren't very good at dying. They lurk in the background and wait for their chance. They wait until we stop thinking and then they silently make their way back into our being. Especially if we think we've evolved. Especially if we think we've handled that already.

As I move my body, I can feel the cracking of yet another exoskeleton trying to solidify over me. This one so new its invisible and paper-thin. A calcification of all of the unfelt feelings of my life. All of the unrecognized desires and wants. Their subtle energies just settle over me and wrap me like a cocoon.

In the open, each change hurts. Each letting go full of fear. Each unknowing still uncomfortable. Each circumstance a potential threat. I have upheaval fatigue, and I don't know what to do about it. This cocoon of mine is trying to stop the beginnings from ever happening again.

But somewhere there is the tiny spark of gratitude that hurts my eyes to see. I keep waiting for the ending/beginnings to finally be over. For the deep rest of we are finally here. I’m so tired of my endless cycle that looks like running but that feels like standing still. And yet a deeper, wiser part of me knows that if beginnings end, it is the death of everything. 

So what is there to do? Right now, and for the next several months of this eclipse reverberation is the time of shedding. Keeping only what we really love or need. Those things, thoughts, feelings that are blessings. Things, thoughts, feelings that are immediately useful. Things, thoughts, feelings that bring growth and joy. All else is asking to be released. In some cases, it may be ripped from our ever loving arms if we refuse.

This full moon, take the time for recognition if you can. Recognize where you have been. What you have accomplished. What is missing. The shedding will begin to make room for that.

I'm wishing you all peace and that deep magick that has no words or conscious thoughts. Our superficial intention setting has no place here. Only that which is in deep desires will pass through these times. The rest will be shed along with the skin that is too small for your dreams. 

With love,
Madame Moonflower

PS The newsletter is missing a paragraph. Here it is for you:

Jupiter has entered Aries and thus begins its new 12 year cycle through the Zodiac. This is a time where we are setting our course for our own new cycle over this same time frame. There is something about Saturn too, but I don’t remember the details. What I do remember is the takeaway: We had best get in alignment. If we don’t do so willingly, Papa Saturn, may put us on punishment and take away that stuff that isn’t doing us any good. And it won’t be pretty. It starts with this Eclipse.